From a dental chair
by
“READING’S A WASTE OF TIME,” the dental hygienist said, hands in blue rubber gloves, blue rubber gloves in my mouth. I had been reading when she came in and she asked me what? I think I said something like, “oh it’s a biography, but it’s actually not a very good one.”
“Yeah,” she said, “I don’t like to read much. I do like documentaries, though. I’m watching one now on the Challenger Space Craft. Remember that?”
“mmhmm.”
“Open,” she said, and filled my mouth with water. “Close.” I closed, and the vacuum tube sucked all the water and saliva out of my mouth.
“Open.” she said, and the blue rubber gloves dove back in.
“… a book, though, I don’t know, sometimes when I’m reading a book I feel like my life is just passing me by. It’s kind of a waste of time. Turn.”
I turned.
“Good. I read one book recently about some farmers or something. I don’t even know what was going on. They were on a machine, a tractor I guess. Turn your head to the side a little. Good. There were about eight of them on this tractor…”
“hmm.”
“… I know right. It was weird. Open. I think it was digging potatoes somehow, a potato harvester I guess, I don’t know. Close.”
I closed, and the vacuum did its thing again.
“It was the weirdest story. Open. There was a fight between two of the farmers. I guess farmers isn’t the right word. They were like itinerant workers, I guess. Not Mexicans, though. Okay put your head straight again. They were white, I guess. Oh you’re bleeding. Are you flossing?”
“mmm…”
“You really need to floss every night.”
“umhmm.”
“I love Mexican food, though. You like Mexican food?”
“mmm.”
“My favorite are those fajitas. I think that’s so fun the way they serve them on those iron skillets you know?”
“mmm.”
“all sizzling there at the table, it’s so fun… but margaritas are too sweet for me. My husband will drink two or three but I just have a Seven-up. If he has three I have to drive. Close. Good. How we doin?”
“Good.”
I could watch documentaries for hours. The History Channel. I love history. The one on the Challenger Space Shuttle was real good… you know they knew right?”
“Good, now let’s turn your head to the side a bit again, right there, almost done… He says tequila is his weakness… ha! tequila and any other alcohol. You know what I mean?”
“umhmm.”
“But I guess we all have our weaknesses. Mine’s documentaries. I could watch documentaries for hours. The History Channel. I love history. The one on the Challenger Space Shuttle was real good… you know they knew right?”
“hmm?”
“They knew. The O rings were… well they knew the O rings would fail.”
She took her hands out of my mouth and I took a deep breath.
“Okay?” she asked.
“Yes.” I took another deep breath and she threw her hands back into my mouth.
“I guess it was the engineers. They tried to tell the, the officials you know, of the, of the launch I guess, but they wouldn’t believe them.”
“hmm.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t clear exactly who knew what but they knew that the O rings would fail. Open wide now. Those poor astronauts.”
“mmm.”
“It’s one of those things where you remember where you were, you know?”
“mmm.”
“I was a freshman in high school. I didn’t like high school very much. Okay let’s rinse you out now… and close.” She put the vacuum in and sucked out all the water. “Okay, almost done. Turn just a…perfect. I think they had it on in my Social Studies class, and everyone… I’m gonna have you close your mouth just a little bit. Right there. Great. Everyone just gasped like ‘oh no!’ ”
“mmm.”
“The way the spaceship just exploded out of nowhere…”
“mmm.”
“Those poor astronauts.”
“mmm.”
“All those bits of burnt bodies all flying through space and sizzling, melted skin and faces and everything…”
“hmm.”
“It must’ve been terrible.”
“mmhmm.”
“Just think of the expression on their faces when they knew they were about to burn to death.”
“hm?”
“Close. Good… but books. I don’t know. A book is too much to suffer through. I’d much rather watch something.”
From Unsavory Thoughts, linked essays of personal and cultural critique (Sagging Meniscus, $22.95/£18.99)
—
Thomas Walton’s previous books are Good Morning Bone Crusher! (Spuyten Duyvil, 2021), a book of poems written in homage to the sun; All the Useless Things Are Mine (Sagging Meniscus, 2020), a book of 17-word aphorisms and otherisms; The World Is All That Does Befall Us (Ravenna Press, 2019), a lyric essay written in opposition to the writing of lyric essays; and The Last Mosaic, (Sagging Meniscus, 2018, with Elizabeth Cooperman), a poetic travel guide to Rome and its environs. A contributing editor for Exacting Clam, his work has appeared in ZYZZYVA, Delmar, Timberline Review, Rivet, Stringtown Magazine, Queen Mob’s Teahouse, Bombay Gin, Pontoon and elsewhere. Unsavory Thoughts is published in paperback by Sagging Meniscus.
Read more
exactingclam.com
@uselessthings.bsky.social
@saggingmeniscus.bsky.social
